SUPA OTTA GURLLU

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7.19.23 Woke up procrastinated then did laundry and packed and goofed and didnt go to Watson's and bakery-ed and checked out and ZOOMED TO THE DEPARTMENT STORE and made sure there were no regrets. Had a conversation with the lady who worked at that one store :) so sweet, she said her heart feels better knowing my eye is ok. She told me shes from Kanding and also has i think two sons. That she may still be working there next year depending on her dad's health and she said my smile is bright and I should continue on smiling. First time I met her she asked if I came back home from school (like I was Taiwanese) and I was omg compliment much! Anyway I took a selfie with her but I wish I could've stayed there longer talking to her. She gave me a hug! And wished me well :) how awesome!!!

Wow! Time! And its passage! How marvelous! How terrifying!!!

7.18.23Yesterday I realized that my attitude to speaking Chinese here has changed! At the beginning of the program I was really nervous about speaking Chinese for fear of looking like a foreigner

7.17.23 woke up eye POOF and got food and finish pack and bought contacts wahoo! Did some transiting (saw 芳如! 好 yipee) and slept hella on the hsr and talked briefly about relationships with Jaemie and went to hotel and did nothing then decided to do something. Went to get 妹妹 a name seal and bought a net skirt then got a lil thing from the department store (but not before the lady working there asked me about my eye and urged me to go to the local optometrist to check it out - flashback to medical anthropology last quarter, bc of my American blood i am so hesitant to go check it out!) and got food then went back. Intercepted jasmine and her aunt and freakin chiiilllled and youtubed and noticed my eye. Jasmine came back we went to q square and i got a lil sum sum for my parents and went back. Dk where jaemie went. Then i sat here and brain rotted! Hi! I feel that a lot of the growing from this trip will happen most once it's over and I have good time to process, reflect, specify, and implement. Feeling pretty upside down. I am excited for some semblance of order and consistency to re-enter my life though, all the novelty and whimsical chaos really clogs up the mind sometimes. I'm not good enough yet to continue good habits in these times - working towards building a strong core so that when I'm thrown about I come out transformed instead of tattered. Excited to meditate more.

7.16.23 zoom typa day. Woke up boom breakfast boom tai nan boom drive boom beef soup boom scooter ride boom motion sickness boom TAINAN ART MUSEUM. Learned of 洪通 (Hung Tung) and 山水 and migrant worker homes and mountain spirits. Got moon blocks and a journal. Hungy ate thingy idk name felt like a child went to temple (salt/sweet) went to shaved ice + tofu. Gave friends cards and took photos and said good bye! Learned that Kaosiung is big on iron and that Steven drove a drone into a building once during research and that the HSR goes ~180mph and that Taiwan roads/driving suck and more abt Taiwan military service on car ride back. Hope I didnt think only of myself today, trying hard but my immaturity shines sometimes. Went back and RUBBED MY EYE INTO OBLIVION after eating yummy mapo tofu + pina colada esque drink. Eye blew up and i was sniffling and coughing it was a whole ordeal. Did my journal and was like peace! Wtf!

7.15.23 Taiwan Indigenous Culture Park!!! So awesome and sweet and very tourist-y. Reminded of how history has not been gentle. Lots of reclamation going on, lots more to do. Glass beads and views and dancing and mochi donut and slippers and suspension bridge and archery and tour guide's past and performance. Quick zoom then NKNU student time! Went to xiao (huh) night market and had xiao long bao and sweet potato balls. Talked about YouTube and allergies and plans and travels. Got tiger balm. Too much noodle. Watched Totoro with will (yipee!!)

7.14.23 Shoushan National Nature Park Visitor Center eepy moment + monkey business + taking video + long bus eep + caving! Caved and successfully excited out spooky quirky alternative cave route and dirtied my shirt (noooo). Saw mongies (wow) and cats and dogs (wowie) ordered Korean fried chicken but Roy order poopy. Yum. Did NOTHING! Except read manhwa and watching evangelion and bath (also call jr! Awesome!)

7.13.23 This morning we went to a neighboring school and had a lecture on plant species! Went under a cool tunnel and ate lunch while staring at the water. Then the most treacherous hike commenced - it was fine at the beginning but it quickly became a lot to handle (heat + rock climbing + L sun protector arm) and i got bitten 3 times on my elbow. Had a nice shaved ice as a reward and returned to the hotel. Washed myself and rotted and quickly went out for dinner with 芳如. Then we checked out a temple! And saw temple cat and talked to kind temple lady. Had some lemon-y boba jelly dessert and then attempted the claw machines then went back. Funny airdrop moments. Funny selfies.

7.12.23 Went to NKNU! Met friends and learned their Chinese names to the best of my ability. Learned about shoushan & monkeys & tourists & indigenous land identity. Had dadan burger and soup and had too much soup. Had cream puff and big winter melon bottle boba and felt gross but didn't leave and went to park and rained and went down slide and frolicked and went to department store and took photos and Muji silly moment (saw Kitto and Luke fits, asked to ask an employee something in English quickly, photosynthesis capitalism) then sunset then dinner then eepy then rot then face mask then talk then eep

7.11.23 We traveled to Kaosiung today! Vibed and packed and ate and took the train (drifted in and out of consciousness while thinking about silly lil things) and then took mrt then VIBED with Roy for forever. Ate too many snacks and talked about Steven universe and art and whatnot. Received awesome leftovers from the twins and then went to the Riuhe night market. Was told I give off single uncle (w crazy cat lady wife) vibes lmao. Less food there but I finally had tanghulu and bought an AWESOME gray comfy set (so happy) and had chicken feet and one bite of popcorn chicken. Got back late and showered and lalala. Unrelated note: Thinking about living each day not necessarily "as if it's my last" but instead living in a way that if I died that day, I'd have died happy. Trying to constantly remind myself of all that has been done and all the reasons why the future is not so serious! Why mourn all the things not done when you can be celebrating all the things that have been. Still a heavy concept to roll around in my brain. I'm too young. But he was too young too.

7.10.23 Woke up and had yummy foods then an insane situation when we were just trying to go to Watson almost shat my pants (lmao) and had a rough time for no good reason. Got famous food from Changhua yummy and simple. Took train to 台中 and got famous dessert. Remembered my love's mother's maiden name. Got a mango shaved ice that took forever to arrive and simply vibed! Learned a few Chinese words and that was awesome. John felt responsible for ensuring we have a good time, but we were like what no!!! You're chilling!! Ate that yum yum yum and then we walked to drink some traditional herbal tea (not before losing my wallet at the sweets place then returning) and saw the most amount of figures I've ever seen. Then we went on boats and boated around! Quite fun and we took a good amount of photos, saw a turtle go into the water and a bunch of fat koi lmao. Kept squishing my fingers between the boat and the oar oops. Had yummy dinner (yummy and bland though) and talked about hobbies and music. Then headed back :') we freaked out about the train for a lil but then we were chilling. Talked about being immortal (I would never) and ubered back then CHILLLLED. Texted fang ru and funny Nancy scream

7.9.23 Dayu Farm! So awesome community so awesome yeah. Made a coaster and wanted a weaved something and got a weaved something. Talked to tour guide! Had so so so much good food and then earthquake museum. Preventative > reactional. Got ice cream then hot pot (awkward...) then talked abt random messages w Nancy and silly friend videos and breathed a bad breath and suffered (...) and I was cut off (no more laughing)

7.8.23 oyster farm and and mongrove mud stomps and little crabs and silly lunch and yellow watermelon. Then middle school and three lectures and environmentalist and community revitalization and neck mosquito bite... and borrow paper and tried to take video of myself but too difficult. Sleep two out of three bus rides. Then downtown w fang ru and friends and tried taiwanese meatball and rode on the back of 芳如's scooter! Then walk back w twins and Jaemie and 芳如 and learned a lot more about the 台電 fiasco.

7.7.23 NCUE BABYYYY!! Met new friends and had a bathroom fiasco and lots and lots of lectures. Learned about wind turbine in Changhua and green v green while having best boba. Had a welcome dinner that was SO YUMMY THE SASHIMI WAS SO DO SO SO GOOD. Then ventured a bit looking for the gym and was disappointed

7.6.23 going to Changhua babyyyy chilled and enjoyed the view and looked at things in 台中 and went to Mt Bagua Buddhist temple while feeling pretty shitty bc confrontation with death and accused of bringing ppl down suspicious alleyways when it was all for character building and really enjoyed the view :) had a good time and chilled so hard it was crazy

7.5.23 Presentation after presentations and staying up a Long Time Lol. Yummy yummy buffet too!! SASHIMI and ORANGE CT and TEMPURA!!!!! Then hang w the fam and took a FAT nap then went to ruff and there were weird moments but yaa

7.4.23 Feeling a lot less bitter today. Woke up went to class lecture yuh then bland asf curry then project time but not before light oolong honeycomb toffee boba (so good)! I was way behind my group LOL!!!! But whatever I didn't have to go with mei bc Erica's computer had an SD card thing and I've got my important documents there wahooo! Checked out Brenda's dorm briefly before going to hotel and having a cheese snack and waiting for beef noodles (my parents make better ones) and getting deep water and then going to xi men for don don donki and spending like an hour in there (so much stimulus) and buying a lot (but not as expensive as I thought) and taking some polaroids and going back (going to xi men I got rlly panicky, don't think this'll go away any time soon). Also during lecture I texted Bix's brother, I wish them the best. Also went to a temple to wish him the best, that felt very good. Went back (like 9:30 now), had a big ass card signing party, got a signature JH hug, and had fun. Dived off bed, did a handstand, B in Brenda stands for based. Midnight ppl leave then work work work. It is now 4 lmao. PEACE

7.3.23 Eepy. (now pretend it's late at night) I wish people cared enough to ask me how I'm doing with a genuine interest. Trying to get better at reaching out when I need help, and I feel that I've been trying to start conversations with people (because this HURTS??) and I get shut down. They don't owe me anything but it's really frustrating when people are too nervous to learn more? I hate not being able to turn to anyone. No family no close friends no jr. This sucks so bad. On another note, today I wanted to cry in class but managed to stay focused, tried to get my computer fixed, saw some cool junji ito things, and talked to mei a bunch! I really like her! I don't mean to poop on the people in this program but damn I wish there was someone looking out for me. This really hurts. I'm not very good at this. I wish I didn't have to tell people why I'm upset could you INFER from the OBVIOUS

7.2.23 My mind is incredibly scattered today, all I want is to do mindless tasks to distract me. I did have good food with Jasmine today for lunch - Uncle Ethan was right about that place being yummy. Holding a lot of tension in my upper body, shoulders specifically. Writing this blog is a million times easier than doing actual coursework - my theory is that it requires less actual thinking, I just write my thoughts as they come in, leaving no room for other thoughts. Keep trying to rationalize and understand how I feel, probably should meditate on this later so I can really designate some time to feel my feelings. I'm really feeling the disbelief and it's an unwelcome but inevitable reminder of the nonsensical nature of life - feeling more afraid. Blood (mosquitos), sweat (duh), and tears (this). Later in the night I went to G Star and karaoked and heard of Brickyard in Kaohsiung (spelling wrong?) and easied my paranoia but still.

7.1.23 Talked to Roy about types (strong sense of justice & nice v. kind - him mentioning this made me think about my resolve and sense of justice, haven't thought all that much of it, I think it's weak), I answered with ambition & communication & how awesome it is that JR is so excellent at reading me. Also, Sonali asked if I write poetry because I seem like I would write it and I'm honored! Wonder if I use funny sentences and words el oh el. Learned about tea & fabric trade & got winter melon tea & city god celebration & silly Japan idol love god thing. Went on boat & napped & bridal carried & married to Jaemie & seasick. Lady was good at her job ig. Got to tam sui and vibed around, sausage keychains and whatnot. Frolicked in the rain w Sonali (did a lil boogieing) and enjoyed myself. Stood forever on the train back and collapsed on the bed and showered and (inspired by Will) made the concious decision to choose to be by myself. Enjoyed my company eating kitsune udon and going to each floor of department store and buying that blue and orange clothing and getting some Daiso hairclips and got a bunch of manga in trad Chinese to practice (fav love is war & nana ones). Got back and had some passionfruit and had a good time before heading out to Omni. 10PM I learned about what happened to Bix and was in a state of shock. Didn't go out. Couldn't do much and instead just consumed online media until I was so tired I was about to pass out. An unrooting & deeply troubling & decentering event. I can't imagine the catastrophc loss his family experienced. May he rest in peace.

6.30.23 Checked out an urban argicultural social housing place! Very nice, and it was really inspiring! Mdae dumpings and also matched w Nancy! Wore traditional rain hats and had ice cream sandwich and passionfruit juice. Had a rainy tour of NTU Farm and had funn! Played a farming game that I found rlly nice bc it's simple but its message is clear. Went to McDonalds for dinner (no foot massage bc I wanted to try air pistol shooting and it took too long) and managed to accidentally order a salad lmao (going to McDonalds for a salad??? What????). Went air pistol shooting and found out that I'm a pretty decent shot! Super cool - looked into doing this back at home but we only have *eagle sound* *gun shoungs* AMERICA SHOOTING RANGE GRAAA! I just want quiet shooting is that so much to ask for.

6.29.23 Visited Yangmingshan national park today and learned about ponlai rice and visited beautiful farms! Saw many a cute kitty (esp orange cat sleepin in the greenery) and ate yummy foods! The flower garden was super pretty! Late at night we visited the Chiang Kai Shek memorial and I had a great time, it felt very serene. We talked about clubs and books and whatnot, I smiled a lot.

6.28.23 Lecture on gender inclusive clean energy very cool! Battled half a chicken and lost. Also died laughing at my own tweet. Went to treasure hill artist village and got my blood sucked and took photos and bought a print and chewed some gum and had omelette rice and watched across the spiderverse! The stakes are so high! I didn't know it was a two part thing! How cool!!! Sleep is for the weak (I am very, very weak) Also when I got the print I spoke some funny broken Chinese and bro was like lol you corrected yourself awesome. Also learned that family prob got to Taiwan in Ming dynasty.

6.27.23 Lecture today on urban agriculture and tea and boba and bordering/de-bordering and mobility. Then went for lunch (wish I got the curry) and went back to hotel (blad cramp) then URBAN BEE KEEPING!! Long lecture and learned about royal jelly and pesticide concentration. Held bee thing and had honey. Discovered they have trad Chinese manga for cheaper than at home. Called JR for a long time.

6.26.23 Thinking about how I am very, very uncomfortable around anger. Not related to any events from today. Went indoor rock climbing for the first time + ate yummy yummy vegetarian food!! (Like it was soooo yummy) Also, great grandma w the sumikko guraishi and second aunt wanting me to find a girl for Ethan :'D Overall, good chill birthday. Also, mango cake was soooo good

6.25.23 Woke up at 7. Suspension bridge. Nap. Coal mine museum. Locomotive vehicle. Bus. Recyclable sky lanterns. Train. Cat village. Saw many many cats (do not the car). Gross at this point. Train to 九份. Each train moment was ~1 hr. 九份ed it up. Lots of lanterns didn't check out what was being sold. Super gross but fun photos. Bus back. Shower and nom a bit. Karaoke. Tired & Sleep.

6.24.23 In the HOT. SUN. In a biopark (landfill turned park) and loud cicadas and hot hot. Went to old street and got souvenirs for friends and got starfruit juice. Gondola and rain and tofu pudding and soggy shoes and pants and waiting half ma hour for public bus (motion sickness on bus) then mrt transfers + failed Roy... :'( and collapsed. But not before kitsune udon

6.23.23 Woke up and did laundry and had 7/11 brekkies and took a nap and had 7/11 foodies again and went to department store to look at sanrio and Muji and bought a lotus shirt I really like (might go back, real cool store) and brain rot and 7/11 again after no sushi conveyer belt and xi men ding again and bought a headband and ate Indian food. Yeah.

6.22.23 Today I woke up, lazied around, then went to the National Taiwan Museum! We went to the Main Branch and I saw blood flag & pangolin & animation & it was cool! Got a cup. Then we got lunch (got curry + tried clean eating method) and I went back to charge my phone. Then went to railroad branch of museum and chilled in dorm. Went to maymay family home and glug w her grandpa! Had dinner and laughed a bunch, went to dorm and laughed a bunch, went out (+ a lil blerg incident), turned away bc shorts and no sleeves, went to other place and enjoyed. Passionfruit, grapefruit, apple. Latest I've slept here so far.

6.21.23 Difo gifted me a rice dumpling today! So delicious! And we had a lecture on ecotourism - I learned a lot about how ecotourism incentivizes protection of biodiverse ecosystems & that in Japan they implemented these roads that create sound to ensure that animals are afraid of the road and stay away & how roads affect inside/edge species pop & that snakes are shy & Taiwan suburb hill. Learned that there's a monkey problem towards South Taiwan because monkeys associated humans with food and figured that if they attack humans, they can get their food. Also that dogs are an invasive species because they hurt the cute pangolin. Had lunch with Taiwanese friends (Henry, Mei, Igor & Difo) family style! Ate yummies and also had a silly paying fiasco. Had a lil language exchange with Difo and I complained about not having a handheld fan again (I'm getting that tomorrow). Then we went to 大安 and I sweated all my ancestry out of my every pore. The biomanipulation of the park was fascinating - reimagining human activity on the environment as healing. Their efforts towards creating a rich environment is inspiring. Lots of the park used to be drains? Eco park! It was soo hot though and I was super flushed and I was dangerously low on water (and everyone felt the same way). The park has this bicycle thing where visitors can pedal for water to come down?? Cool stuff! Anyways then we went back, got winter melon boba tea (yum), picked up my seal (yay), and rested a bit. Then I watched the final episode of the most recent Demon Slayer season then went out to eat in the department store! I had a bibimbap w cucumba/lotus root/tofu. Listened to Kitto's Zimbabwe water buffalo horse knee ordeal story (crazy stuff). Got some more dried plums and smelled milk and tried mango/grapefruit tea and saw figures in the FamilyMart and chilllled in the hotel. Yuhhhh

6.20.23 First classes today! Lalala. Lots happened today! Met some NTU friends, ate a banana milk ice cream, perished in the heat, got left behind during the NTU tour (w/ Nancy), got an NTU sticker, drowned in my own sweat, etc. Turns out NTU has a BDSM club (the building area had a bunch of those ward-off-evil papers... how strange!) and also learned that Taiwan soils are acidic, meaning it's harder to collect ancient DNA samples. Got a pineapple smoothie. Difo was the one that realized i disappeared! I tried those Japanese star candies (Nezuko's favorite...just like how coffee jellies are Saiki's fav...) and yeah. Sugar. Also Difo told me that dried plums aren't something young ppl enjoy much these days? An old person snack?? And Jasmine & I walked to the Ning Xia Night Market (so busy on a Tuesday night)! Got fried rice and coconut water and chestnuts! Feet tired so just chilled in dorm. Think I'll go back to family home on my birthday? And I'd like to get my hair done here. And I'd like a lab assistant position.

6.19.23 Had a delicious curry today! Also went to Xi Men Ding District for some foods and there were so many! Realizing more and more that I greatly enjoy this whole traveling thing and I'm going to miss it once it's over. Also, feeling like an 18 year old child - I am so not ready for the adult world quite yet. Need to mature!! Need to learn how to handle difficult situations! To be considerate and trusted and responsible and decisive!! Trying to notice moments of cultural clashes within me, where the individualist springs forth and confronts the collectivist. Trying to make peace with its chaos and agknowledging that this is all necessary. Excited to see how I will grow in the next month. Also quite scared.

Now for a list of what I ate today at the Walking District:

6.17.23 I lied. Neocities is still not updating columns for me... (10 minutes later I got it to work). Also, today I visited an Aboriginal sculpture park, a garden park thing idk the name of, and Whitestone Gallery! I also learned that diabetes in Chinese directly translates as "sweet pee sickness". I'm learning a lot about my Taiwan family members on this trip as well!

6.16.23 (10:45PM) Just started the site! Finally got columns to work (didn't properly insert stylesheet. All entries prior to this moment were documented in my notes app.

6.15.23 Two things I've noticed:

1. I've been told multiple times that I should 慢慢來. I wonder if it's evidence of a slower culture, maybe a case of linguistics influencing culture (and vice versa). My great aunt told me that I shop quickly, too quickly. Maybe I am too fast. But I also don't feel that I'm all that bad at going slowly. Trying to move more slowly throughout my day. It's not that serious.

2. Japanese is all around here! I'm not sure if I just didn't notice it before but there is Japanese everywhere! It may because of my family's line of work that they need to know Japanese, but there is so much! My great uncle asked me if I knew "lonely" in Japanese, my uncle takes Japanese lessons, my great grandma told me sumi nasa as I was going to bed (I think she meant oyasumi, sumi nasa means excuse me). I'm painfully inept in international relations, politics, history, and the like, so I'm unfamiliar with Taiwan-Japanese relations. I told JR about this and he googled it - Taiwan was one of Japan's first colonies (late 19th century), and it stayed that way until the mid-twentieth century. Hmm!

dream log

7.14.23 Had a dream where someone was being very nice :o and also weirdly flirty w a fake kiss and I was like ?? Ummm and then I remember dancing and also trying to make a bus and buying something?.yaaa also showering? and keeping roy behind

7.13.23 Had dreams that it was last 7:30 and it was 8 but then I woke up to my 7;30 alarm and chilled. keep forgetting to update this log!

7.11.23 dream about a vibrating cat

7.2.23 Dreamless night. Thank god.

6.30.23 Two dreams between 8 to 8:30: 1. I got criticized for my written work due on March 20 and it was the 24th but I didn't have anything so the dude was rly mean and I was like boom ur head just exploded 2. Some girl asked me some theoretical about dating animal characters

6.26.23 Twins had some sorta theatre thing they did now Huge luxury makeup. Angry family, classes but dude tried to make me grow a glass at his mom bc he wanted to play with puffy and I was the class goody two shoes idk. Had to find classroom, treated like an anomaly, told Kitto I was being tested that way, corrected name spelled wrong. Big balcony for drying clothes

6.22.23 Dreamt that I was pregnant (again) and it was so stressful. Some lady (idk she had to do some kind of physical check for me) massaged my belly and was like you're pregnant aren't you and I was like wtf? Was super stressed so I went to a convenience store and bought two tests. I really needed to pee in my dream but I didn't want to test in the store. Also dreamt that people got part time jobs in Taiwan during their time here.

6.21.23 I was in Vancouver, CA but it was also Japan at the same time?? I was there bc my parents were going on a trip? Then I had a flight to catch at 6PM and my sister had one at 2AM. Then I missed my boarding time and freaked out (I told my sister that this happened in my dreams once before!) then I drove recklessly to the airport. Then my mom let me know I'm chilling.

6.18.23 Had multiple dreams last night. Most notable one was that I was stressing out because I was trying to have fun but kept being reminded that I had some English presentation + math final I had to study for the following day? But I also remembered that I had already recieved my final grades, so I kepy bouncing back in forth between "I got to do this RIGHT NOW!" and "Oh wait... this already happened...didn't it? They can't change grades after final grades are posted?" It wasn't all that stressful but el oh el